Archives for June 2019

Substandard Material

A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Advertisement of Windows 98

Multitasking: You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting!

Built-in Networking: You can crash several PC`s all at once. No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.

Microsoft Network: Connect with other Windows 98 users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.

PnP: Plug and Pray (that it works)

Multimedia: Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.

Compatible with existing software: It will also crash your existing software.

Increased Productivity: You will need to increase your budget to buy more products like RAM and Hard Drives. Better yet, get a new computer! That’s productivity.

User-Friendly: Picture of clouds

State of the Art: Pay for Bill’s next bid for a work of art.

Macintosh-like: It took Microsoft 14 years and it’s not even original.

Online Registration: Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your hard drive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft’s files for the rest of your life.

MS Plus: More money for Bill’s plus side.

Optimize: It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and CPU so much so that you’ll end up upgrading your system. See ‘Increased Productivity’.

College Rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

“How much for a season package?”