Substandard Material

A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

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Death by Guillotine

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer have all been sentenced to death by guillotine for crimes they had committed. The executioner asks the priest whether he wishes to face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest states he would prefer to die face up which would enable him to be looking towards Heaven when he dies.

The priest is placed in the guillotine and the executioner releases the lever. The blade comes speeding down, but jams just short of the priest’s throat. Taking this as a sign from God, the priest is released and set free.

Next, the lawyer is led to the guillotine, and hoping he will be as fortunate as the priest, he too decides to die face up. Again the blade is released and jams just inches away from his throat. As with the priest, the lawyer is released and set free.

Finally, the engineer is led to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up. Just as the executioner is about to release the lever, the engineer shouts, “Wait! I think I see what your problem is, let me fix it!”

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Change of Plea

A couple of days into his trial, George, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and asked for permission to approach the Judge.

“Your Honor,” George said, “I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty of the charges.”

“If you are guilty,” the Judge bellowed, banging his fist angrily on the desk, “why did you not say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?”

Meekly, George explained, “Well, when the trial began I did think I was innocent, but that was before I had the opportunity to hear all the evidence against me.”

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