Confessing Crimes

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. “Bill darling,” she breathed. “I’ve got a confession to make before I go… I … I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house … I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion…”

“That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought.” said Bill. “I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you.”

Mobile Phone Snatcher

A mobile snatcher was on trial and the defendant was stating what had taken place.

“Yes, that’s him,” she said. “I saw him clear as day. I would remember his face anywhere!”

At that point, the defendant yelled out…”You didn’t even see my face, lady. I was wearing a mask!”

Drunk Driving Stories

Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over.
The other two are really worried. “What are we going to do with our beers? We’re in trouble!”

“No,” the driver says, “it’s OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.

The police officer then walks up and says, “You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?”

“Oh, no, officer,” says the driver, pointing to his forehead, “We’re trying to give up, so we’re on the patch.”

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