Last Meal

Three prisoners were scheduled to be executed. The warden asked them what they wanted to have for their last meal.

“Lasagna,” the first replied. The warden served him his lasagna, then escorted him to his execution.

“I’d like lobster,” the second prisoner said. The warden served him his lobster, then led him to his execution.

The third prisoner said, “I’d like a big bowl of strawberries, topped with whipped cream.”

“Sorry, but strawberries are out of season,” the warden said.

“Ah, that’s OK. I’ll wait!” replied the prisoner.

Substandard Material

A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Death by Guillotine

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer have all been sentenced to death by guillotine for crimes they had committed. The executioner asks the priest whether he wishes to face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest states he would prefer to die face up which would enable him to be looking towards Heaven when he dies.

The priest is placed in the guillotine and the executioner releases the lever. The blade comes speeding down, but jams just short of the priest’s throat. Taking this as a sign from God, the priest is released and set free.

Next, the lawyer is led to the guillotine, and hoping he will be as fortunate as the priest, he too decides to die face up. Again the blade is released and jams just inches away from his throat. As with the priest, the lawyer is released and set free.

Finally, the engineer is led to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up. Just as the executioner is about to release the lever, the engineer shouts, “Wait! I think I see what your problem is, let me fix it!”

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