Worms & Whiskey

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

Two Plus Two

A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…..

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?

The little boy answered, I”m doing my math homework,

Mom. And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? the mother asked. Yes, he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, What are you teaching my son in math?

The teacher replied, Right now, we are learning addition.

The mother asked, And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

Punishment

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing I didn’t do?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Sam: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.

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