Be Aware of Dog

Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

The amused stranger inquired, “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

The owner responded, “Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Who was Driving

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

“Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?”

“Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Blind Man’s Dog

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passerby who’d seen everything remarked, “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”

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