Archives for December 2020

Who was Driving

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

“Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?”

“Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Life Lessons from the Story of a Sparrow

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Life Lessons Of The Story

  1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
  2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
  3. And if you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

Blind Man’s Dog

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passerby who’d seen everything remarked, “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”

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