Computer Terminology for the Layman

Apple – Gravity Fruit

Barcode – Rules at the local pub

Baud – Beach crowd obsession

Boot Up – Dress for snowy weather

Bug – Old Volkswagen

Bus – Cheaper than an airplane

Byte – What the dog did to the mail carrier

Cache – No checks accepted

Chip – A type of chocolate used in baking

Computer Terminal – Call a mortician

Crash – Attend a party uninvited

Diskette – Brief disco

FAX – What a criminal investigator wants

Garbage In/Garbage Out – A day at the sanitary landfill

Hacker – Cough drop user

Hard Copy – Tabloid T.V. show

IBM – In Between Marriages

Mac – Everyone’s favorite fast food

Megahertz – Take Tylenol and codeine

Modem – Why the lawns look so good

Mouse pad – Disneyland

Novell – An international peace prize

On-line – Sobriety test

Optic Fiber – Vision improving food with bulk

PC – Politically Correct

Programmer – English teacher’s attitude

Remote – Change the watch around the castle

ROM – Capital of Italy

Serial Port – Breakfast wine

Silicon Valley – Where breast implants are made

Superconductor – Railroad employee of the month

Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA – People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN – It Still Does Nothing
APPLE – Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI – System Can’t See It
DOS – Defective Operating System
BASIC – Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM – I Blame Microsoft
DEC – Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM – Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 – Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW – World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH – Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM – Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL – Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA – A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP – Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS – Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS – Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO – Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT – Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

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