A Clever Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

When he reached his driveway, there was the cat.

He kept taking the cat further and further but the cat would always beat him home.

One day he decided to drive hundreds of miles away. He drove out of town, through the desert and into the next state until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home. He let the cat out and headed back.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Hunny, is the cat there?”

“Yes,” the wife answers. “Why do you ask?”

“Put her on the phone,” the man replies. “I’m lost and need directions.”

Confessing Crimes

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. “Bill darling,” she breathed. “I’ve got a confession to make before I go… I … I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house … I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion…”

“That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought.” said Bill. “I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you.”

I will have to Kill You

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show.

After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, “How’d you do that?”

“I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, “But then I’d have to kill you.”

After a short pause, the man yelled back, “Ok, then… just tell my wife!”…

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