Archives for November 2020

Military Plane Losses Power

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who’s crying. They ask him why he’s crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!”

They drive more and meet another boy who’s crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!”

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who’s laughing hysterically. They ask him, “Kid, what’s so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!”

Software Development Cycle

The software doesn’t just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice came to you by way of an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle.

1. The programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. The product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. The programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t bugs.

4. The testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. See 3.

6. See 4.

7. See 5.

8. See 6.

9. See 7.

10. See 8.

11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

12. Users find 137 new bugs.

13. The original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

14. The newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

15. The original programmer sends the underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. The entire testing department quits.

16. The company is bought in a hostile takeover by a competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

17. THE new CEO is brought in by the board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo the program from scratch.

18. The programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

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