AOL Car

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it’s the NEW model.

6. Now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just “lock-up” for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots’ pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other people’s AOL cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, “Good-Bye.”

Advertisement of Windows 98

Multitasking: You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting!

Built-in Networking: You can crash several PC`s all at once. No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.

Microsoft Network: Connect with other Windows 98 users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.

PnP: Plug and Pray (that it works)

Multimedia: Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.

Compatible with existing software: It will also crash your existing software.

Increased Productivity: You will need to increase your budget to buy more products like RAM and Hard Drives. Better yet, get a new computer! That’s productivity.

User-Friendly: Picture of clouds

State of the Art: Pay for Bill’s next bid for a work of art.

Macintosh-like: It took Microsoft 14 years and it’s not even original.

Online Registration: Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your hard drive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft’s files for the rest of your life.

MS Plus: More money for Bill’s plus side.

Optimize: It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and CPU so much so that you’ll end up upgrading your system. See ‘Increased Productivity’.

Computers and Air Conditioners

The Theorem for Bill Gates…

“Computers are like air conditioners,

They stop working properly when you open Windows”

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